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How To Resolve Conflict Calmly


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I’ve learnt this technique from my 3 years old daughter.

When she is pushing me too far beyond my limits I sometimes raise my voice and pretend to be angry. In response she turns pretty angel and tantrum disappears, she runs to me asking for a hug. No one can withstand this, I surrender and give a huge smile with bonus kiss. We become friends again then.

I tried this technique with some contractor I hired lately. We have got into situation very close to turn into conflict. I set a meeting and let her shed her emotions on me. I was listening calmly. After 20 minutes of accusing and emotions she said “it is your turn to yell, I know you are mad at me”. I said “no anger, I just was worried about you, I hope you are OK, and I would really love to get this job done”. She was disarmed and the meeting went super productively.

My takeaway is never get emotional. Caring and sympathy are most powerful weapons in conflict resolution.

Here is another relevant Antiheckler Technique.

A man is about as big as the things that make him angry” – Winston Churchill

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” –  Dr. Laurence J. Peter

10 October 2007

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