What’s you answer?

I know your answer – your answer is you. You are the answer to all my questions.

The answer is Strength
You have been outstanding sportsman, you had a perfect athlete body. You could stand on your hands easily. You always supported me when I was training and you always came to my competitions.

The answer is Will Power
Your will power got you interesting and challenging jobs. Your will power got you a beautiful wife – because you wanted. You wanted to climb Kavkaz mountains – so you did even when it was not the safest there – because you wanted.

The answer is Friendship
You were a friend, a comrade. You always offered your shoulder to everyone – even to those who didn’t really deserve it.

The answer is Coolness
I have never heard you complaining – you were biting your tongue and just doing it, even the hardest thing. Complaints and excuses were out of your lexicon.

The answer is Laugh
Your wide smile was filling my body with joy, you knew how to laugh and you knew how to make others laugh. You always had a little joke in your pocket that made me always smile.

The answer is Do It Yourself
You could do everything on your own – solve math exercise or fix a car. You could do a million more things – anywhere I look I see a touch of your hands.

The answer is Warm Heart
You had a special place in your heart for everyone. A special warm and soft place. You were a heat engine bigger than a power station.

The answer is Life Smarts
You were departed with your family during World War II, moved to new school each year and got beaten as a new kid on the block. You worked in anti-Semitic atmosphere. You left everything you have built for years and repatriated to Promised Land. You learned a lot of life smarts and you tried to teach me these life lessons in very simple way – so that it’d be easy for me to learn.

The answer is Simplicity
You wore simple clothes, you ate simple food, you lived simple life, you gave simple solutions that worked, you talked simple language that I could easily understand. I have learned that simplicity works, and it works fast. Simplicity is the way to results.

The answer is Help
You helped to everyone. You helped just because you could and because you thought this is the right thing to do.

The answer is Children
You always gave up on yourself in favor of children and grandchildren. Kids were in the center for you. You were the family’s kids spoiler.

The answer is Respect
You had a great self respect. You have never gave in to temptations and you always were sticking to your personal principles – something you honored as the way of life.

The answer is Knowledge
You were a huge source of knowledge and insight. You learned unstoppably and you taught others unstoppably. Learning and teaching were in your blood. You are the Levites tribe son, isn’t it? You were building computer presentations until the last day, then you were sending it to me and others just to please. Papa, I am keeping each and every email you have sent me.

The answer is Personal Resilience
You have taught me to give up in sake of something bigger and more important. You have taught me to be smart vs. be right – that requires a lot of resilience.

The answer is Dream
You were the biggest dreamer I have ever seen. I can remember you once wanted to establish a friendship connections between our town and a town in China. You had fantasies beyond my imaginations.

The answer is Creativity
You had a solution to any problem. Your creativity never allowed you be another way. You had a bolt, a tool, or a brilliant idea to any situation.

The answer is Faith
Faith was the source of your power. You believed in yourself, you believed in family, you believed in good. You always gave me a belief.

The answer is Love
You gave so much love to others. Many of them you will meet in heaven. If all those who got your love could overcome the barrier of time and space, if they could stand here today it’d be the whole army that came to say thank you to your love you gave.

The answer is Life
You loved life so much. You gave life to me and my sister, and that means you gave life to our kids too. You wanted to live some more since you had so much more to give. You live in us, we will continue doing good deeds you taught us, just as you have asked me back at my wedding.

Goodbye, Papa, I love you.

I was reading Sheila’s The Importance of Creativity In Education where she pointes to a TED talk by Sir Ken Anderson called Do schools kill creativity?

I listened to the guy. The bell rang in my head when I heard him saying this:

A child starting to learn today will retire in 2065. What world will look like then?

I couldn’t hold myself back and started to write down simple, sometimes obvious yet super powerful statements from the talk. For example, Sir Ken Anderson tells a story about a girl that pictures a god. A teacher makes a remark that no one knows how god looks like and she replies “They will in a minute”. People got burnt for similar “sin” in some places or in other times. But kids are not afraid to be wrong. I wish I could completely get rid of such fear. Would you? Here is another gold one: If you are not prepared to be wrong – you are not creating original. Can you argue with this? If you do, keep in mind Einstein’s definition for insanity: Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Sir Ken Anderson warns: We stigmatize mistakes. Indeed, how often do you hear kids get their dose of preaching for sometimes even naive mistake like writing numbers upside down, breaking a dish, or painting on a wall? I do, I actually commit such sin quite often. And that is a big mistake. That way I commit 2 crimes – first, I hold my kids back from experimenting. Second, I stigmatize mistakes, I teach my kids that mistakes are wrong. How wrong I am! I hold my kids from growing into creativity, what a mistake! If we do not grow into creativity then we grow out of it. Too true, you either grow or die – there is no in between. I have learned my lesson. Have you? Practice This – Get Results Give your kid space to be wrong – let her experiment. Do not stigmatize mistakes – grow your kid’s self esteem. Listen to the TED talk – Do schools kill creativity? My Related Posts Adopt 18/40/60 Rule And Stop Worrying About What They Think About You First Leadership Lesson For Your Kid – Compromise

]]> http://practicethis.com/2009/04/13/what-your-kid-knows-about-creativity/feed/ 7 http://practicethis.com/2009/03/27/effective-techniques-to-handle-your-kids-temper-tantrum/ http://practicethis.com/2009/03/27/effective-techniques-to-handle-your-kids-temper-tantrum/#comments Fri, 27 Mar 2009 15:50:48 +0000 alik levin http://practicethis.com/2009/03/27/effective-techniques-to-handle-your-kids-temper-tantrum/ Just finished reading Jay Heinrichs’ book  Thank You for Arguing: What Aristotle, Lincoln, and Homer Simpson Can Teach Us About the Art of Persuasion (thank you, J.D.). What I love about this book is it offers down to earth practical content and the writing style is humorous and enjoyable. Heinrichs provides practical advice on how to effectively persuade in
by tacit requiem

seemingly every life situation. One of my favorite takeaways from the book is about handling kids temper tantrum.

The following excerpt from the book should resonate with any parent: …three year-old daughter chose to throw a temper tantrum writhing on the floor…I forget what triggered the outburst… but I gave her I disappointed look and said. “That argument won’t work, sweetheart. It isn’t pathetic enough”.    She blinked a couple of times and picked herself off the floor. Treat Your Kid As An Adult The most common response to temper tantrum situations is preaching, kind of “You embarrass me…”, “Stop immediately, else!…”, “You behave in very inappropriate way…”, “When I was in your age…”. I am no different and I commit similar crimes – preaching. It rarely works. So I decided to practice what Heinrichs preaches (LOL). The other day when my kid started her thing on the floor I gave her scientific explanation about the complexity of computer systems. I have done it in very calm way showing that her tricks do not affect me in any way. She was completely confused, what’s sure she understood it did not work for her. More over, she was interested since she heard new words. Some of them sounded funny so that she even smiled. It worked for my 4-year-old daughter. It might work for your kid too. Practice This – Get Results Practice Emotional Intelligence – Park.  Do not preach – it only shows your kid she succeeds with her temper tantrum. Remove the focus form the “situation” – get your kid confused, get her interested in something else. Drive, do not be driven – your are in charge, not your kid. My Related Posts Daddy’s Under Extreme Stress – No Mommies Allowed Emotional Intelligence – Core Skills Emotional Intelligence – Higher Order Skills

]]> http://practicethis.com/2009/03/27/effective-techniques-to-handle-your-kids-temper-tantrum/feed/ 11 http://practicethis.com/2009/03/11/daddys-under-extreme-stress-no-mommies-allowed/ http://practicethis.com/2009/03/11/daddys-under-extreme-stress-no-mommies-allowed/#comments Wed, 11 Mar 2009 20:29:32 +0000 alik levin http://practicethis.com/2009/03/11/daddys-under-extreme-stress-no-mommies-allowed/ “Men in particular respond to stress by feeling irritable, angry and having trouble sleeping,… Children mold their behavior after that of their parents,” Palomares said. “So developing healthy responses to stress will not only be good for you, but, ultimately, good for your children.” I won’t pretend I am always  “Cool Like Dat” – I am stressed, just like many of us these days. And I am aspiring daddy who wants only the best for his children.  
by gotplaid?by gotplaid?  

The article on APA Help center – Fatherhood Balancing Act Takes a Toll on Men’s Health – offers good tips to handle stress. Let me share with you how I practice this.

The tips from the article are: Identify your causes of stress. Recognize how you deal with stress. Find healthy ways to manage stress. Ask for support. Identify Your Causes of Stress I am a big believer that my stress situations come when my personal power is down so that I cannot cope with the load. I am stressed when I am: Physically drained. It happens when I am awake up until too late but wake up too early or when I am out of Food, Energy, And Day Rhythm. Emotionally exhausted. It happens when I am focused on myself too much, when I have been cheated, when I witness antisocial behavior, when I am rejected. Mentally defocused. Being part of mediocre gigs that pose no intellectual challenge kills me. Spiritually distorted. Values are my guiding light, when the light dims my personal power drops down dramatically making me vulnerable to stress. Recognize How You Deal With Stress I Confess – I cry, I am sometimes hit by anger too. Find Healthy Ways To Manage Stress The best way for me to cope with stress so far is the basic technique of Emotional Intelligence called “Park“. It helps identifying the root cause of the stress. That way I am able to handle it more effectively. Ask For Support My biggest supporter is my family. When I am stressed, I “Park” and then I get help from them by just hugging them. There is no better cure for stress than warm hugs. I have friends that help me a lot. Some of them distant – too distant. Nevertheless, their friendship gets me back up on my feet when I am knocked off the saddle. Sometimes I even do not need to ask for the help – they just know when I need it. Thank you! Practice This – Get Results Know the personal power dimension that is under stress -physical, emotional, mental, spiritual/values. Focus on the right solution to the situation. Practice Emotional Intelligence – your kids must never see you stressed. My Related Posts Emotional Intelligence – Core Skills Emotional Intelligence – Higher Order Skills Can Conflict Improve Your Personal Performance? How To Resolve Conflict Calmly

]]> http://practicethis.com/2009/03/11/daddys-under-extreme-stress-no-mommies-allowed/feed/ 12 http://practicethis.com/2009/02/12/creatures-of-logic-and-creatures-of-emotion/ http://practicethis.com/2009/02/12/creatures-of-logic-and-creatures-of-emotion/#comments Thu, 12 Feb 2009 07:21:16 +0000 alik levin http://practicethis.com/2009/02/12/creatures-of-logic-and-creatures-of-emotion/ “What is it that inspires you to do your best work?” – this is the first line of the newsletter email I have just received from Dale Carnegie.
Doing my best I can is one of my quests. I kept reading the newsletter. I found simple but powerful recipe to inspire others.
by Steven Fernandez

Managers, Consultants, Parents! Consider adopting it. I tried it and it perfectly works. Here is the recipe:

• Don’t dictate — inspire
• Don’t direct — win people to your way of thinking
• Begin with praise and honest appreciation
• Build morale and earn loyalty
• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
• Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to

For Managers

Dear Manager! Care to make your reports to do their best work? Hell, of course you do. If so, read this carefully and practice this: 

• Don’t dictate — inspire. If you dictate you kill the spirit of innovation.
• Don’t direct — win people to your way of thinking. If you direct you will never get folks to buy in, and that means you will have to direct more. If you make others buy in, your team would operate independently and you could go home much earlier… 
• Begin with praise and honest appreciation. The only reason you still have your position is because of your reports. Respect!
• Build morale and earn loyalty. I know you go through tough times these days. You need loyal reports more than ever. 
• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Are you a military man? No? Then stop giving orders. There are reasons why your orders might be disconnected from the “reality”. Ask questions.
• Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Is there a reason why you are not running the halls bragging what a great workers you have? Your reports are the best people you can get, brag about them. What stops you to do so? Try it, and you’ll get loyal and inspired reports doing their best work in return.

For Consultants

I hear here and there that consultants come into the customers’ and start shooting off the heap advices without understanding the customer’s pain. I am a big fan of best practices that are common and almost universally applicable. But. To win customers’ hearts consultant must show he understands the uniqueness of the customer, once there only then offer advices.

• Don’t dictate — inspire. Share with the customers your previous successful practices, inspire to adopt your way.
• Don’t direct — win people to your way of thinking. Offer the customer the choices and let him pick from the collection.  
• Begin with praise and honest appreciation. All business are the same, but your customers’ is unique. Tat is why they still win the competition.  
• Build morale and earn loyalty. Trust is the only single thing that will help you to grow. Never compromise it. 
• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Usually it reveals the problem and the solution. In 99% of my gigs asking the right questions showed the customer can handle the situation himself. It was the matter of asking the right focused questions.
• Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Consultant, when the problem solved show it’s done by the customer, not by you (see the previous bullet).

For Parents

It’s all about leadership. Managers lead their reports (I know there is a dispute about what’s the difference between Managers and Leaders though), Consultants lead their customers. It’s no different with Parenting – Parents lead their kids.

• Don’t dictate — inspire.  Raise free will open minded kid. 
• Don’t direct — win people to your way of thinking. Make your kid adopt you as a role model. 
• Begin with praise and honest appreciation. This is what your kid will do to the others.
• Build morale and earn loyalty. When your kids will get into the troubles you will know it first hand. One of my friends died just because of being afraid to tell the truth to parents.
• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. You can actually learn it from your kids. 
• Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Raise high self esteem kids.

From the newsletter:

“When we are dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bustling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”- Dale Carnegie

Practice This – Get Results

• Read the post from the beginning.

My Related Posts

• John Wooden’s 12 Lessons In Leadership [For Kids]
• The Best Advice For Any Manager
• Consulting – What’s The Deal?
• 3 Things Customers Really Want

My take is this – you teach and lead your kids by example.

I was reading Compromise Can Be an Act of Leadership article by John Baldoni at HarvardBusiness.org. Baldoni is a leadership consultant and a coach. He offers simple recipe for Compromise as an act of leadership:

• Think outcome.
• Find common ground.
• Celebrate the union.

I used it in practice with extreme success when I let my 9 years old daughter down.

Daddy Is Late

My kid was going to perform during her school’s annual festival. We set the time when I should arrive to witness her talent and success. I arrived exactly on time. But…when I came the show was over. She was standing on the stage together with her friends looking at me with eyes full of tears. She felt let down. I felt even worse. I let down my own kid. What a daddy…

Think Outcome

I could excuse myself that I came exactly at the time we set. Who cares? I was not there when she needed me, no matter who’s fault it is.

Then it struck me! Use situational leadership. Use the situation to teach her values. Teach her to think outcome. Teach here to think improvement.

Find Common Ground

She approached me and the avalanches of blame were thrown at me endlessly. I looked at her embarrassed showing I am wrong and she is right. When she choked with her own tears I had a chance to speak: “Darling, I made a mistake. I let you down, and I am deeply sorry for that.” She was disarmed.

First common ground was found – that was easy. We both knew I am wrong and she is right.

I gave her a hug and asked: “Darling, what should your daddy do to make sure it never happens again?”

Celebrate The Union

We spoke and agreed on set of techniques to help me so that I won’t let her down again. The conversation was developing and then we became friends again.

At that point I took step back. I felt it was good time to summarize the lesson we have just learned. I told her that it’s always better to focus on future improvements rather ruminate about the past. Mistakes are part of life, the question is what we spend our energy on – is it accusing each other or do we spend our energy on learning and improvement?

What do you think was her answer?

That evening she had another fight with her 4 year old little sister over a broken toy. She started to loudly accuse her at first but then she stopped abruptly and started to explain how to treat her toys without breaking it.

The lesson was taught and applied in practice. She became a leader. I am curious what have the youngster learned from this?

“There is luxury in self reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel no one else has a right to blame us.” – Oscar Wilde

Practice This – Get Results

• Think outcome, do not be right, be smart – growth is all about outcomes.
• Practice Wooden’s 12 leadership lessons – they are universal. Sports, business, parenting – you name it. 
• EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is your friend. Practice and master the “Park” technique – influence without authority starts here. 

My Related Posts

• John Wooden’s 12 Lessons In Leadership [For Kids]
• Emotional Intelligence – Core Skills
• Become The Next Great Mind – Now
• Is Becoming A Leader Actionable And Attainable For All?

Editor in chief – Jimmy May

How do you get your kids ready in the morning without influence by authority?

I seem to solve this one – I apply the same technique that gets me results, Kaizen’s “Straighten” rule. Buy yourself a white board, hang it on the door and write checklists for your kids. It’s a game they will love a lot. You will love it too.

Checklists For Grade 4 Kids

What does your kid need to do in the morning? Write it on the white board and let her put checkmarks next to it. You will be amazed how everything gets done in minutes. Here is the checklist for my Grade 4 daughter:

• Cover my bed.
• Brush my teeth.
• Get dressed.
• Finish my breakfast.
• Prepare my backpack.
• Calm my hair.
• Kiss my daddy.

She is eager to put V next to each action item. It’s a game for her so she enjoys it. What do you think what it does to me?

Checklists For Toddlers

My other daughter does not know how to read yet, she is four years old. No checklists? Of course she has it too:

Can you walk through this one? She can. And she does it with pleasure.

“Discipline doesn’t break a child’s spirit half as often as the lack of it breaks a parent’s heart“

Practice This – Get Results

• Write on white board – share your wants with your kids visually.
• Let your kid put a checkmark herself – it is a game. Kids love games, did you know that?
• Reward your kid for tasks being completed – grow her self esteem.

My Related Posts

• John Wooden’s 12 Lessons In Leadership [For Kids]
• Conclude The Day With Positive Reflection

I am selling the Most Valuable Product, the Experience. What are you selling (stop denying, we all sell something)? Does your customer get engaged easily? No? Neither mine. Then how do you engage with your customer?

You create a brand that is credible, compelling, and personally connected with the potential customer. 

by myuibe

This simple formula is expressed in William J. McEwen’s book Married to the Brand: Why Consumers Bond with Some Brands for Life. How do you check your brand for credibility, compelling, and connecting? This is what the author suggest:

Credibility

• [Brand] is a name I can always trust.
• [Brand] always delivers on what they promise.
• [Brand] is a highly respected brand name.
• I know what [Brand] stands for and what makes them different

Compelling

• [Brand] sets the standard for all other brands to follow
• There is no other [product/service category] quite like [Brand]
• I can’t imaging a world without [Brand]
• [Owners/Buyers/Shoppers/Customers] rave about how great [Brand] is.

Connecting

• [Brand] is the perfect [product/service category] for people like me.
• I can easily imaging myself as a [Brand] [owner/shopper/buyer/customer]

“Brand promises that are Credible, present a Compelling offer, and manage to personally Connect will attract first dates. But far more than that, they will generate a special type of first date – one that set the stage for a continuing brand relationship” – William J. McEwen, the author.

Self check

Are *you* Credible, Compelling, and Connecting brand? Check yourself. Replace [Brand] with [My dad/mom] or [My husband/wife]. Is it still Credible, Compelling, Connected? Are you world greatest for your customer?

Same rules apply.

by Swaity

I’ve been looking at John Wooden’s 12 lessons in leadership. It made a lot of sense for me to apply it in my personal life with my kids:

1. Good Values Attract Good People. What values do you teach your kid? 
2. Love Is The Most Powerful Four-Letter Word. Do you show your kid your love?
3. Call Yourself A Teacher. What have you taught your kids lately? 
4. Emotion Is Your Enemy. Keep cool, do not yell at your kids, they explore the world’s limits including yours. 
5. It Takes 10 hands To Make A Basket. What family tasks your kids is assigned to do? Is your kid a team player?
6. Little Things Make Big Things Happen. Do not constantly preach, show how to do things, small things.
7. Make Each Day Your Masterpiece. Read this least each morning. 
8. The Carrot Is Mightier Than A Stick. My kids taught me that. Not John. 
9. Make Greatness Attainable By All. Reward every even smallest achievements, make them hungry for bigger ones. 
10. Seek Significant Change. Self explanatory I guess…
11. Don’t Look At The Scoreboard. Enjoy the process.  
12. Adversity Is Your Asset. You kid is different from you. Do not break your kid to be like you. Learn from your kid to grow yourself.

I continued researching John Wooden web site and then I’ve noticed books section where I’ve spotted this one – Inch and Miles: The Journey to Success. This is next one to appear on my Must Read Books list very soon.

This post is inspired by short conversation I had with Vered over my previous post You Have Built A Team, Now What?

What was in my practicing pipeline are:

• Collin’s “The day employees stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help them or concluded that you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership.”
• Leo’s “Give a full-body massage“.

Recently my good friend just used the same phrase with regards to employees and their problems, he said ”they just won’t bring you their problems anymore, so you sink slowly”.

I am looking back when I was team lead (today I am individual contributor and I do not have anybody to report to me). I recall that any time my team members were coming into my cubicle I used to put aside any work I was doing that time, disconnecting the phone and listening what they have to say. My approach was simple – if I listen and help them now I won’t be surprised afterwards. I earned trust among the team, and I had quite few surprises.

I can also reflect it to my little daughters – they are looking for my attention trying to tell their stories [==problems==] from kinder garden or from school. I know for sure if I do not listen to them now, no matter how tired I am, I will lose their trust so when they will grow up the train I missed will be far away…

Here is my practice:

I let people bring their problems, never compare theirs to mine. If I cannot help I try to encourage them by sharing my approach of The Mindset Of Failure

Leo, full-body massage never works!! At max, it gets to half-body quickly turning into greatest compliment I mentioned in Driven By Values, Sushi, And Great Sex :)