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Adopt 18/40/60 Rule And Stop Worrying About What They Think About You

By alik levin

April 10th, 2009 | Motivation


Just Finished reading Jack Canfield’s book The Success Principles: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be. What a read… Whoa! Packed with tons of goodies and practical wisdom. image by DMahendra 

One of the pearls I really loved is Dr. Daniel Amen’s 18/40/60 rule Canfield shares in the book:

When you’re 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; when you 40, you don’t give a darn what anybody thinks of you; when you’re 60, you realize nobody’s been thinking about you at all.


One thing is being worried about what they think about you the other is asking for a feedback.

Don’t be worried – ask for a feedback. Help the other guy to give you a constructive feedback. Canfield has another great advice for this one too. Canfield writes:

On scale 1 to 10 how would you rate my…?
…Any answer less than 10 gets the follow up question:
What would it take to make it a 10?

Simple and practical.

I have lived a long life and had many troubles, most of which never happened. – Mark Twain

Practice This - Get Results

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16 comments ↓

#1 Liara Covert on 04.10.09 at 9:41 pm

That analogy is very appropriate. External approval is something many human beings strive for. Only after exerting incredible effort do many people come to conclude that external approval does not matter. To realize it is the disguise for misplaced insecurity and inadequacy is very empowering. You can take change of how you think and transform your life.

#2 Giovanna Garcia on 04.10.09 at 10:16 pm

Hi Alik

Great topic! When I was young I did worry about what people think. Now I would say I am aware of what people think, not so much worry about it at all. I do enjoy getting feedback, they are free and honest market research.
Thank you for sharing.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action

#3 Andrew on 04.11.09 at 1:45 am

Hi Alik,

I can relate to Jack Canfield’s quote, particularly when it comes to the topic of members of the opposite sex.

I used to worry about what young women thought of me, but I have since realized that the vast majority of women simply do not think about me at all!

On a serious note, I agree that feedback is important and that constructive feedback can be a great source to identify areas where one has room for improvement.

Jack Canfield is a man of great wisdom and I loved one of his other books “Chicken Soup for the Soul.”

#4 J.D. Meier on 04.11.09 at 2:01 am

Good stuff.

The rule I like to remember with feedback is you can ignore it, take it all, or filter it. I think it’s the filters and lenses that are important.

#5 alik levin on 04.11.09 at 5:12 am

Liara,
Feedback is good tool to help you grow and improve. The question here is “do you know how to use this tool?” Some just like holding it (hoping to hear affirmations only ), other make it practical ;) . I used to take personal harsh feedback. Not any more - any feedback can be transformed into constructive one when detaching emotionally from the the form it was provided ;)

Giovanna,
Thank you. Great distinction - worry vs aware. Loved it. ;)

Andrew,
HAHA. I believe there is always room for improvement in any area. That is why I strive for all feedback for anything ;) . Good point, Andrew.

J.D.,
Good rule! I read an article recently on that topic by Eric Brechner’s “I am listening”. I must have linked it here in first place. He point out just what you call out here - you can always ignore fedback ;) .
Good catch, partner ;)

#6 Barbara Swafford on 04.11.09 at 7:55 am

Hi Alik,

I love the 18/40/60 rule. I hadn’t heard that one before, but do believe it’s true.

Re: Feedback. I think it depends who’s asking. Often people will ask for feedback, but if they don’t get the answer they’re looking for, they’ll dismiss it. That’s sad as we can learn so much from it - good or bad.

#7 Tess The Bold Life on 04.11.09 at 2:02 pm

I love Andrew’s line about young women! However it’s true about most. When I find myself obsessing about what someone thinks I remind myself they’re not thinking of me at all because “It’s not all about me!”

I read the book when it was first published. It sits on my shelf, dog earred, underlined and worn.

I think the lessons are good for a lifetime. Don’t you?

#8 Jimmy May, Aspiring Geek on 04.11.09 at 3:27 pm

I belong to an organization which has a counter-intuitive yet true & effective aphorism:

“What other people think of you is none of your business.”

Indeed.

#9 alik levin on 04.11.09 at 5:17 pm

Barbara,
Happy I am surprised you ;).
Good point!
Those people do not look for feedback - they look for affirmation. “You are awesome!” - while compliments are nice, what potentially can I learn from it, how can I improve based on it? I like Bill Gates’ “Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.” You hardly hear compliments from unhappy customers, eh? ;)

Tess,
I agree the book is timeless. What bothers me a lot is a form factor. The chapters remind me mini stories that would fit nicely as a blog posts. That way it’d be easy to scan it daily and find the nuggets in no time and apply it to a situation at hand. Would not you like to have it as searchable/scannable nuggets of wisdom? I would. ;)

Jimmy,
Good for you! [and me ;) ]

#10 Sheila Atwood on 04.11.09 at 10:26 pm

I like J.D.s Comment, you can ignore it, filter it or take it all.

Keeping your purpose in mind would help you do those three things.

Sheila

#11 LisaNewton on 04.12.09 at 1:30 am

I remember when my first daughter was born and everyone gave me feedback. I listened, took the advice I thought would work for me, and discarded the rest. But, I always remembered that the feedback was given with the best intentions.

#12 alik levin on 04.12.09 at 4:27 am

Sheila,
I like this rule. Shame I started to practice this only recently ;)

Lisa,
Good to hear that! When our first daughter was born we took every feedback for granted. Imagine how many mistakes we have done. With our second child we politely listened to the feedback but we did it only when we felt it’s right. Good stuff, Lisa! ;)

#13 What Your Kid Knows About Creativity — Practice This on 04.15.09 at 12:56 pm

[...] ← Adopt 18/40/60 Rule And Stop Worrying About What They Think About You [...]

#14 Reallie on 04.20.09 at 8:09 am

I think if you go inside of yourself, greater is he or she that is within you than in the world.
Be still, and look into your eyes, they are the window of your soul and people unless they are spiritually aware sometimes, don’t realize the power of their words.
Loose lips, sink ships.

#15 alik levin on 04.20.09 at 8:25 am

Reallie,
“Loose lips, sink ships.” - Hard to imagine how many ships I sunk…

#16 Link roundup from my loyal readers | Tomasz Gorecki | Debt In Your 20's Is The Kiss of Death on 05.08.09 at 4:42 am

[...] Adopt 18/40/60 Rule and stop worrying about what they think about you [...]

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