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Daddy’s Under Extreme Stress - No Mommies Allowed

By alik levin

March 11th, 2009 | Parenting


“Men in particular respond to stress by feeling irritable, angry and having trouble sleeping,… Children mold their behavior after that of their parents,” Palomares said. “So developing healthy responses to stress will not only be good for you, but, ultimately, good for your children.” I won’t pretend I am always  “Cool Like Dat” - I am stressed, just like many of us these days. And I am aspiring daddy who wants only the best for his children. under stress 
by gotplaid?by gotplaid?
 

The article on APA Help center - Fatherhood Balancing Act Takes a Toll on Men’s Health - offers good tips to handle stress. Let me share with you how I practice this.


The tips from the article are:

  • Identify your causes of stress.
  • Recognize how you deal with stress.
  • Find healthy ways to manage stress.
  • Ask for support.

Identify Your Causes of Stress

I am a big believer that my stress situations come when my personal power is down so that I cannot cope with the load. I am stressed when I am:

  • Physically drained. It happens when I am awake up until too late but wake up too early or when I am out of Food, Energy, And Day Rhythm.
  • Emotionally exhausted. It happens when I am focused on myself too much, when I have been cheated, when I witness antisocial behavior, when I am rejected.
  • Mentally defocused. Being part of mediocre gigs that pose no intellectual challenge kills me.
  • Spiritually distorted. Values are my guiding light, when the light dims my personal power drops down dramatically making me vulnerable to stress.

Recognize How You Deal With Stress

I Confess - I cry, I am sometimes hit by anger too.

Find Healthy Ways To Manage Stress

The best way for me to cope with stress so far is the basic technique of Emotional Intelligence called “Park“. It helps identifying the root cause of the stress. That way I am able to handle it more effectively.

Ask For Support

My biggest supporter is my family. When I am stressed, I “Park” and then I get help from them by just hugging them. There is no better cure for stress than warm hugs.

I have friends that help me a lot. Some of them distant - too distant. Nevertheless, their friendship gets me back up on my feet when I am knocked off the saddle. Sometimes I even do not need to ask for the help - they just know when I need it.

Thank you!

Practice This - Get Results

  • Know the personal power dimension that is under stress -physical, emotional, mental, spiritual/values. Focus on the right solution to the situation.
  • Practice Emotional Intelligence - your kids must never see you stressed.

My Related Posts


12 comments ↓

#1 J.D. Meier on 03.11.09 at 9:27 pm

It’s powerful to know your own patterns.

Once you know them, you can interrupt them. It’s important to remember that stress is your body’s response, anxiety is your cognitive response. In other words, you mind can reshape whether your roller coaster ride is excitement or terror.

#2 Liara Covert on 03.12.09 at 12:23 am

To sense imbalance or some source of discomfort is the first step to moveing toward changing that. Unless you are aware of unease, you have no impetus to change. Another way to view stress is to recognize it for the llusion it is. Superstition and conditioning warp the human mind until an energy being chooses to rise above the very thoughts that hold him back.

#3 Daphne on 03.12.09 at 2:21 am

Hi Alik,

It’s so true that men get irritable when stressed. I’ve also noticed that while women need to talk to relieve stress, men get more stressed by talking! So your title made me laugh. Women need to be quiet or at least stay away to give men some peace and quiet to de-stress. I just had a personal experience of this a few days back so this post resonated.

#4 Giovanna Garcia on 03.12.09 at 5:06 am

Hi Alik

This post title made me want to read ever more :-) Being parent can be stressful. I like how you show everyone the importants of really know yourself and from there we can stop reactive to stress and be proactive about it. A very wise Daddy you must be.
Thank you,
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action

#5 Gennaro on 03.12.09 at 5:30 am

It’s definitely important to find a way to channel our stress. Too much stress may be more dangerous to our health than diet or other factors. I turn to meditation when it has been a tough day. That or Beethoven 9th :)

#6 Sheila Atwood on 03.12.09 at 5:40 am

Alik,

You hit on some of the key points for me and I think most people.

I have to make sure I eat and sleep. And that is eat and sleep well. Increasing my B vitamins help me when I am stressed. I also take a walk and look out. Looking in at my self makes me really stressed and it is hard to see solutions.

Kids get stressed too. It is good for them to see positive ways to handle stress so they learn how to handle the stress in their lives.

Thanks Alik

#7 alik levin on 03.12.09 at 11:40 am

JD,
I like how you put it - interrupt the pattern.

Liara,
I have taken the first step - i am aware i am not immune to stress.

Daphne,
Happy to hear the title made you laugh ;)
Without getting too deep into the details… your comment was very helpful in practice… ;)

Giovanna,
Parenting is tough…. but rewarding.
Good to hear you like the content ;) and thank you for encouragement.

Genarro,
I like how you put it - find the way to channel the stress.
Mediation was on my list recently - I guess i just need to start practicing this.

Sheila,
Good to hear it resonated w/you. Showing kids the right way to handle “situations” is all I ma after, after all I want to be their role model ;)

#8 Jannie Funster on 03.12.09 at 9:08 pm

Try to keep stress away in the first place. Don’t keep doing stressing things and expecting better results.

But when it rears is ugly head whistle a lot.

And do the fandango.

#9 alik levin on 03.12.09 at 9:14 pm

Jannie,
i usually imitate tai-chi moves when I am stressed.
Fandango sounds even better ;) - must try next time.

#10 Tess The Bold Life on 03.12.09 at 10:40 pm

Alik,
These are great reminders for moms and women as well.

When I feel stressed I admit this is a choice, I physically change my position and change what I’m feeling as well. I agree with Liara it’s an illusion. We bring it on ourselves.

#11 My Favorite Flickr Images For Blogging — Practice This on 03.20.09 at 8:45 pm

[...] Daddy’s Under Extreme Stress - No Mommies Allowed [...]

#12 alik levin on 03.21.09 at 4:24 am

Tess,
You share here a great practice to combat stress. I guess it all boils down to being aware of self to make such move… and that is tough for many people.

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